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I think when somebody hands you a diploma and tells you to leave college, they’re really telling you that it’s time to pick a band. Everyone needs a band. Everyone needs to have one musical artist or group that they’re forever going to associate with their youth. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Here’s the thing that sucks – I know which band it is, I just don’t want to say it.
Okay, fine. It’s the Dave Matthews Band.
Question: Are you serious?
Answer: Yes, I’m serious.
Question: Dude. You’re soft.
Answer: See! This is what I’m talking about. This is why I didn’t want to name the band.
I don’t know when it happened, but it got really hard to tell people that Dave Matthews Band was my favorite musical artist or group. When people ask me what kind of music I listen too, I usually leave DMB out of the equation. It’s much easier to say Pearl Jam (who I also love). It’s like when people ask me which Nicole Kidman movie is my favorite – I say Days of Thunder even though, if I were to be truly honest with myself, Moulin Rouge would be my pick.
A few years ago somebody asked me if I had heard that Dave was changing his name.
I played along and said I hadn’t heard.
He told me Dave’s new name was Gave.
Not funny, man. Not appropriate either. Where did this stigma come from? How did DMB become the official music of soft guys? I suspect it has something to do with the violin and the saxophone and their obscene popularity. They’ve probably become too big, like WalMart, Jerry Bruckheimer, or vintage t-shirts. Huge things inspire backlash.
It’s time for me to be honest with myself and admit that no band has affected me as greatly or as often as Dave. It’s time to stop being intimidated by Dave-haters.
There are five criteria that a band needs to fulfill in order to be labeled as The Band of Your Youth:
1) You have to love the music.
2) You have to agree with the band’s message.
3) The band has to be enduring. It can’t just be a flash in the pan or a phase in your life.
4) The music has to inspire nostalgia for special moments or places.
5) You have to be able to listen to the music in any mood.
For me, Pearl Jam fulfills all those categories except number five. If I’m feeling depressed or contemplative, I can’t listen to “Evenflow.” It just doesn’t work. So that’s why Dave gets the nod over the Eddie Vedder Band.
Question: Dude. Why do you call them Dave?
Answer: Because it’s easier than saying Dave Matthews Band every time.
Question: I hate when you call them Dave.
Answer: Why?
Question: Because it’s not like you know Dave Matthews. He’s not your friend.
Answer: He’s kind of my friend.
And I honestly believe that. He and the other guys have been there since my freshman year of high school, which was nine years ago because I did my freshman year twice. Not because I was stupid. I was just small for my age.
My size is important to my relationship with DMB because when I was introduced to the band, I was feeling inadequate, lost, and horny. Right or wrong, I believed that Live at Red Rocks really spoke to all those emotions. During my first freshman year, it wasn’t unusual for me to get thrown in a trash can by bullies because I was small and in their way. And then there were all these girls around who were really hot but who were completely unattainable because they were five inches taller than me. If I didn’t have happy music, I probably would have ended up dying my hair black and trading Magic: The Gathering cards. Crash was happy music. But there were sad songs too for when you just wanted life to feel heavy and important.
If you’re around my age, I’m willing to bet that you’ve made out with someone while listening to DMB. Even if you hate the band. When I was first introduced to their music, I was just fantasizing about kissing girls. I had no idea how a girl could hike up her skirt and show the world to me. Seems pretty clear now. Making out while listening to DMB is just one of those rites of passage like smoking cigarettes in the girls’ bathroom at school or growing sideburns just because you can.
DMB was the soundtrack to my life. They were there when I experimented with more than one beer and they were there in my ’88 Dodge Raider after I got my driver’s license on the second try. I got in fights with girlfriends over the meaning of lyrics. On a couple regrettable occasions, I sent girlfriends notes containing Dave lyrics. The lyrics helped explain why I liked them or why I thought we had different definitions of what an “open relationship” was.
I have so many memories from DMB shows. At a concert in Hartford, I tried to do one of the most illegal things I’ve ever tried to do. Me and a couple friends attempted to convince a crack addict to buy beer for us at a gas station. The lesson I learned from that experience: always keep a close eye on a crack addict who has twenty of your dollars. The other lesson I learned: it’s pretty easy to outrun a crack addict. I caught the guy walking unsteadily away from the convenience store and asked him what he thought he was doing. He said the store was out of beer. I told him to give me the twenty dollars back and he refused, but I grabbed it from him and ran back to the car. He started banging on our windows so we cracked one of them and threw a few nickels at him. One hit him in the eye so we were able to escape. I’m not sure why we didn’t get arrested. All I know is that we were very sober during the concert, which was fine.
Sometimes DMB and I get in fights – like after Everyday was released, for example – but we always make up. Lately I’ve been listening to their music a lot. Maybe it’s because I’m about to be an adult and there are only a few more months for me to be a kid and for Dave to be my band. And yes, I’m allowed to call them that.
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adam@theadamwhite.com |
